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a bit of thought from a guy and his girl, "Standing Before the Face of God" …

Love Never Fails

1 Corinthians 13:8

Wow, what an intense past six months! If you know me well (or at least follow me on Twitter or Facebook), you’ll know that I got engaged in April, bought a house with my then-fiancé in the end of July, and got married in late September to the former Jennifer Laurin. And only by the grace of God were we able to pull all of that off together in 6 months! We’re crazy…we know.

So, let’s go back about 7 months, and if you haven’t read about The Proposal, be sure to do that. Jen told me that she wanted a “good proposal story” to tell, so she got one!

The Engagement (Wedding Planning)
What an experience! This period of time caused the most significant changes in our relationship. Almost one to two days following my proposal to Jen, a new dynamic in our relationship formed. We were no longer a dating couple, looking to see where the Lord would guide us (bluntly speaking: marriage or a breakup); we had now moved to a point where we had to learn how to rely on each other for our future lives together. The largest factor to this new dynamic was the wedding planning experience. We knew we needed to set a date, pick a location, and determine if purchasing a new home or renting would be for us.

The first order of business was to set a date. We quickly narrowed down our time-frame to September, October, or November of 2011. However, picking a location was not nearly as simple. It probably didn’t help that I went down to Florida for a week on business, only after being engaged for one week. This ultimately left Jen alone to search for a location that pleased us both. Major…disaster. Tears flowed, tensions rose, anxiety began to set in. You see, we never discussed what we each had in mind and continuously nixed each other’s suggestions. Our lives never focused on somebody else before, it was always on ourselves. A huge learning curve began to occur. We eventually picked a location for the ceremony (Impact Christian Church) and reception (Fairview Sunset Room) and the process of lining up all the other details began to work themselves out. Business was underway.

Business, that’s how our relationship could be summed up at times. Our relationship seemed to focus on “getting things done” rather than “spending time together”. We talked about this openly and how we couldn’t wait for it to end. Many times we got frustrated. There seemed to be less love and more work. Nobody ever told us this hidden secret. Fortunately for us, we went to Pre-Marital Counseling with Pastor Herb Shaffer, Jen’s pastor since she was little, and we began to put into context our new dynamic of a relationship. Herb challenged us each session with various books to read and other Christian insight. This time with Herb helped us focus on each other, understand ourselves better, and most importantly, learn to understand each other better. This was the perfect way to begin our Christian marriage. This was a great way to push off the business relationship Jen and I had unwillingly formed, and begin growing to work towards the other person’s needs, not our own.

If I could give a single piece of advice to any engaged couple, it would be to go to Pre-Marital Counseling. If you truly love your future spouse, you will put aside your proud attitude, begin to desire to learn about your future spouse and yourself, and be willing to focus on their needs and not yours. Don’t be selfish, give yourself to them!

House Hunting
Through our prayers and discussions, we felt purchasing a house was the Lord’s current will for us. We narrowed our area to the Pittsburgh Airport area. Thanks to my buddy Tom, he hooked us up with a great realtor, Laura Palmer, and the search was on!

From what I’ve heard, as with all first time home buyers, our “wants” for a new home continued to change as we continued to see houses. A few things never did change for us though: 2 car garage, outdoor living space (porch/deck/etc.), flat yard, 3 bedrooms, 2+ bathrooms (1 master). We told our realtor those requirements from the start and she later told us that she didn’t think we’d find all that in our price range, even though she worked super hard in helping us find those items!

Somewhere around our sixth or seventh house viewing, Jen and I stepped into our current home. It was PERFECT! It had everything we wanted, plus more (pool, flat driveway, not in a neighborhood, wood trim throughout)! Laura even thought this house was perfect for us. And to top things off, the home was in our price range already!

Everything Jen and I discussed about what we wanted our relationship to consist of, it focused on following Christ. In this instance, we believed setting up a permanent home and being good stewards of the money He’d given us was what He wanted.

Therefore, coming up with an offer based upon our principles would need to be made. Based upon our extremely limited knowledge of home prices, we felt the current asking price was too high. This view was strengthened when we found out the current owner’s initial purchase price and what enhancements she had made since buying the home. So, obviously, we put in a lower offer and it was countered. We countered again to a price we felt was fair. It was not the top of our budget and we could have gone higher. However, we didn’t feel the house was worth the top of our budget. We were prepared to walk away if the seller asked for more because we didn’t want to overspend the Lord’s money. Then a second offer came in and we were asked to get into a bidding war. We decided it was worth it; however, we decided we weren’t going to raise our offer! We were sticking to our principles and weren’t going to budge, despite our extreme interest in the home. As it turned out, the seller rejected both offers and everybody walked away! Jen and I could have gone up in our offer but we had been in continual prayer and felt we hadn’t prayed about more money and to go higher was not the Lord’s will, as it would be to overpay. We were extremely comfortable with our decision, as we believed (and still do) we were following the Lord.

Our 1st Home

A few weeks later, after viewing more homes, and gaining a better understanding of the market, we began to realize the house we had presented an offer to, appeared to be a very good deal. So Jen and I prayed again; could we be going back to that house and presenting more money after we believed it was best to walk away? Ultimately, we went back, and raised our offer, and it was accepted! But why the change, had we not believed the Lord’s will to not offer more, earlier? We felt the Lord was ultimately testing our faith. We initially felt we would be overpaying for this home (as did our Realtor!) and wanted to be good stewards of His money, so we walked. Through more time searching and learning, we came to believe the house would be a financially good purchase. We believed this through endless prayer and talking to our parents, who gave us great Christian perspectives! Our understanding was the Lord wanted to make sure we were prepared to be responsible with His money. Jen and I know that this house will be used for the Lord’s purposes. We’re not exactly sure how yet, but we want to honor the Lord here in our home!

So, through an extremely condensed time-frame of interest rate shopping, filling out the mortgage application, and submitting required documents to the lender, we closed in less than 30 days! Yes, amazing, nobody else could believe it either, especially on top of the fact that we were planning a wedding at the same time! Only through the Lord was this even possible. We know He has a plan for us; we just need to continue faithfully following Him.

The Wedding
What a day! I don’t remember most of it, other than the feeling of “fun”!

For Jen and I, our wedding day had mostly become a formality and the beginning of us not having to drive home from the other’s house at very late hours! We knew we loved each other, neither of us was scared and the only sense of nervousness was the fact we were in front of a large crowd of friends and we’d have to kiss!

We both wanted this day to be about Christ, and we wanted everybody to know it. Many people today are hostile towards marriage. Some joke but you know they’re serious, others flat out assault this covenant. Therefore, we wanted to present marriage for what it was designed for, a covenant between two people and God. We both believed that a holy marriage could bring each of us into a closer relationship with Jesus, not just with each other. Our vows to each other on this day were to support each other, to be in this until death, all through the power of Christ. We’re setting out for our marriage to be more than good times, sex, dinner each night, a clean home, and a date every Friday night. Times will become frustrating, difficult, or both; we know that, we don’t live in a box. Therefore, we wanted to express to each other and those there sharing that day with us, that Love Never Fails.

Jason "forgets" the wedding ring.

With that mindset, our ceremony was designed by Herb to exemplify those principles. The ceremony itself was great! We each shed some tears, I hopped over Jen’s train while on stage, Jason “lost” the ring, and Herb called us both accountants. Memorable, personal, and typical us; it was perfect!

Jen and I had a great group of bridesmaids and groomsmen. Talk about a painful decision in determining which people you would ask to be a part of your day. Thanks again to everybody involved!

The reception was a blast; however Jen and I hardly recall it! We talked to so many people and danced like crazy, it was just a whirlwind! The bridal party walked into, well “danced” into, “All My Rowdy Friends” by Hank Williams Jr. And Jen and I came strutting in with black and yellow Terrible Towels to the song “Black and Yellow” by the Pittsburgh native and rapper, Wiz Khalifa. We don’t think anybody expected that song from us two country music lovers!

We received numerous comments from the reception hall staff, family members, and friends that the reception was a blast. I even had one of mom’s cousins tell me that “I was the man!” because the reception was so fun! Jen and I were so happy to hear that. This was a party, let’s do it up! My biggest regret during the reception was that I never got to have anything from the dessert buffet that I had personally picked. I am still suffering from this fact.

Anyways, the reception ended and we went to our hotel for the night. Wait….I’ll stop there!

The Honeymoon
After six long months of stress, planning, preparing, and praying, it was time to finally relax and play! We picked out Maui for the honeymoon. We felt Maui was the best compromise between Jen’s beach need and my adventure need! We got to see many of Maui’s beautiful beaches, snorkeled, drove the Hana Highway (in a Mustang convertible!), toured Oahu, Pearl Harbor, and saw more beaches. It was a perfect trip after a long summer.

So where are we now? Well, Jen and I haven’t even been married two months, but we love being newlyweds. We’ve been out to New Jersey, are planning the upcoming holidays, and are doing a bit of church shopping. We want to make sure we’re attending and serving wherever the Lord wants us and so we’re just doing our due diligence there. We can’t wait to call a church our permanent home. We just need to know that’s exactly where we belong. We’re excited and very eager to jump into serving alongside each other as well. While we work through this process and beyond, we want to continue to serve Jesus through our marriage!

I can’t wait for forever with this girl!


[FLOWPLAYER=http://www.wjfuoco.com/movies/2011-Honeymoon/Honeymoon-SunsetBeach.flv,480,360]

Jen and I on the island of Oahu, on Sunset Beach.

 

[FLOWPLAYER=http://www.wjfuoco.com/movies/2011-Honeymoon/PolynesianCC-Josh1.flv,480,360]

Jen video taped me when I got selected to go on stage, bag a drum, and scream in some crazy language at the Polynesian Cultural Center on Oahu.

 

[FLOWPLAYER=http://www.wjfuoco.com/movies/2011-Honeymoon/PolynesianCC-Josh2.flv,480,360]

Jen video taping me receiving my award at the Polynesian Cultural Center on Oahu.

 

[FLOWPLAYER=http://www.wjfuoco.com/movies/2011-Honeymoon/OldLahainaLuau,480,360]

The oven roasting our dinner, a pig, at the Old Lahaina Luau, back on Maui.

2 comments

The Proposal

Josh Jen ProposalSo, without beating around the bush, I popped “THE” question to Jen about 1 month ago (4/2/2011)! And, fortunately, she gave me the answer I was hoping for and well, to be honest, expecting: “Yes!”  Actually, it was something more like “YES…yes, yes, yes, yes!!!!!”  Talk about a comforting answer from her, especially since I expected her to be crying quite a bit and wouldn’t be able to even verbally respond!

With something this big, I don’t feel I can just touch on the highlights, I feel I need to try and tell the whole story.

So without further ado, here’s the proposal story (the build up to the proposal, and what got us talking about marriage)….

Something changed for me around Christmas 2010.  We spent a considerable amount of time together and with each other’s families.  Jen was shocked to hear recently that I knew she was “the one” after about 1 month of dating, but that’s okay, it made our time dating more fun!  Anyways, when Christmas ended, I knew I’d be looking to make her mine soon…very soon.  As Jen would probably tell you, similar thoughts began entering her mind just a couple weeks later.  There was no pushiness or intimidation between us, just perfect…Godly timing.  So, starting sometime in mid-January, Jen and I began talking and praying (individually & together) about marriage.  Neither of us expected this so soon, but the process was right, the path didn’t wander, we felt we were being (and still are) led down this road.

Now, for those of you that know Jen and I pretty well, we aren’t a spontaneous type of a couple, especially with something that has this great a magnitude (as we both agree that marriage is for life, there’s no “out-clause”).  Therefore, we were grilling each other with questions: text messages, in person, late night chats, phone calls, emails, you name it!  However, that wasn’t our only means to a decision.  Each of us talked to married folks, unmarried, divorced, and remarried.  The single thread that we really focused on was mature Christians. Everybody has a past with regrets, but everybody has great decisions and accomplishments.  Therefore, we wanted to see what their Christian perspective was in regards to marriage, each of us individually, and as a couple.  We learned a lot about marriage, new questions to raise to one another, and new questions to ask ourselves individually.

I am not going to get into the specific questions we asked of ourselves and each other, those are fairly personal, but I will say and advise anybody out there to open up and be vulnerable if discussing marriage.  That process brought us closer together.  So, we finally realized that there wasn’t much else we could ask each other that would keep us from marrying each other.  Jen and I also aren’t ones to see a big sign in the sky from God telling us “YES” or “NO”.  We knew our passions, love, and purpose for God were aligned and we didn’t have any reservations about marriage; so we decided that we were going to do this!  Now, all it seemed was that we needed to find her a ring!

With regards to an engagement ring, it’s safe to say I knew basically nothing.  Jen knew just a bit more than I did, so she suggested we go shopping together.  At first, I admit, this sounded a bit odd to me, but she let me know many of her friends did this so that the guy could get an idea of what he was buying and the girl could determine what she actually wanted.  Ok, fair enough I thought.  So we made a few stops, talked to a few friends, and Jen finally decided on what she would like.  In typical Jen-style, she pretty much knew what she wanted, with only a slight amount of room for me to get creative.  Worked for me, less for me to screw up!

Now, the hard part for me in buying the ring, was that I wanted to find the best deal. It worked out that I knew what she wanted and exactly what I was going to get for her.  It also played into my hands that I’m a planner looking for a good deal.  This gave me an “infinite” amount of time to “research” (as I would continually tell Jen) for a ring, to keep her guessing when I’d pop the question.  So, after shopping around a bit, my friend Tom took me to Trinity Jewelers.  Great service, great setting, great diamond, great price!  And, without Jen having a clue, I had talked to not only her dad but mom also, and had a ring, within one week of still trying to figure out what she exactly wanted!

I picked the ring up on a Thursday evening and planned to pop the question that Saturday.  However, there was no way I’d just hand over the ring to Jen and ask her to marry me.  We’re completely in love and I had to make it fun for the both of us.  And I knew Jen would like something fun also; something with a good story she could share for years to come!  So, the proposal planning started well before I had the ring.

Monday, April 4th was my birthday.  I wanted to propose on Saturday, April 2nd.  How would I plan a big proposal without tipping Jen off any time before Saturday?  Turns out I had to enlist the help of her parents and mine.  Once I asked for permission, I ran ideas past them.  I decided I’d propose at Whitehall Camp (outside of Nashville, probably Jen’s favorite place in the world).  But I still needed to not tip Jen off.  So, working with my parents, we planned a fake birthday dinner for me on the evening of Saturday, April 2nd.  So about 1.5 weeks before Saturday, I told Jen about the “dinner” plans at my house so that she’d keep the date open.  I also told her I was going shopping for a new driver to add to my golf clubs and that I wanted her to go with me, around 11:30 a.m. – 12:30 p.m. Perfect plan, I had Jen reserved for an all-day extravaganza!  Or so I thought!

One thing I’m learning about women…they’re always right, whether or not they are or not!  So Jen, in all her wisdom, decided to tell me the Friday before the proposal, she was going to visit her sister, go to lunch with her, and had a hair appointment on Saturday at 11:30 a.m.  Jen then said we could go shopping around 2 p.m. or later.  She ended up forgetting I even set a time!  There’s no way I didn’t set a time, I needed her to be free to execute “The Plan”!  Well, she told me about this nonsense and wasn’t one bit happy about my stubbornness to not let her plans derail mine! I gave her a guilt trip about it being my birthday, the sales would be all picked over, blah blah blah.  She bought it, thank goodness, but I thought she’d be miserable and that would ruin the proposal!

Well, the next day, she apologized for scheduling things on my birthday; I even let her apologize, and it was hilarious!  I did feel bad though because I’d normally never care, but I needed her to give me that extra time during the day!  Now, I’m not very artistic but I can be creative in my own special way!  Luckily for me, Jen appreciates it!  So, I ended up picking Jen up around 12:30 p.m.  I had lunch planned into our schedule, but we didn’t leave until 1 p.m. because well, she still felt time didn’t matter today.  It technically didn’t, but it just would make our day a bit more manageable.

So, it is 1 p.m., let me give you the general proposal background and plan.  I wanted to make it personal for her and fun, as I’ve already mentioned.  Going back to when I asked Jen to be my “official” girlfriend, I wrote it out in individual letter magnets on her refrigerator.  I also told her I loved her for the first time in letters on her refrigerator.  Not that those are romantic, but they just turned out to be timely and fun/funny at the times we were having those conversations.  I didn’t want to ask her to marry me with those letters, but I wanted to “write it out”.  Therefore, letters strung up at Whitehall, at her family’s camp, would be the way.  So for the day, I decided we’d stop at different places where we’d been on a memorable date or multiple dates.  I needed to take Jen 1.5 hrs. up to Whitehall without her wondering why I’m driving straight there too!  I knew I’d tip her off at some point during the day but at least she wouldn’t know when, where, or how I’d be proposing.  As it turns out, she had herself so convinced that I didn’t have a ring nor had I talked to her folks yet, she thought I was just being funny when I told her we were playing a game that Saturday afternoon!  Heck, 15 minutes before I even proposed, she was telling me that I needed to “research” faster and buy a ring, she didn’t want to wait another month until I got back from my 2 week work trip and vacation that was coming up the following week!

I came up with 6 stops that we’d make during the day and at each location, I’d give Jen a letter that would ultimately help fill in the blanks of a sign I had strung up at Whitehall at 7 a.m.!  The sign I strung up read “_ILL Y_U M___Y _E”.  When Jen and I got into the car to go “golf club shopping”, I asked if she’d like to play a game.  She happily agreed!  We opened the glove compartment and there were rules for a game, she signed the rules like a good girlfriend and basically gave up all rights, privileges, questions, and her cell phone to me for the next 5 hours!  For signing, she got a riddle.  For each stop she’d get a riddle and would have to guess where we were going.  Our first top was “Rita’s”. Once there, we shared an Italian Ice…and yes, before lunch, she was so confused!  She also received her first letter, “R” for Rita’s.  At each stop I also took her picture holding the letter, I knew she’d enjoying seeing pictures of the day after we got engaged! Also, at each stop, I made her take the letters with her, that way, once at the final stop, which she didn’t know where it would be, she wouldn’t be surprised that I’d be telling her she’d need the letters to help spell something!

Following Rita’s, we stopped at Mellon Arena and Jen got an “M”.  Mellon was one of our first dates to watch a Pens playoff game.  We then stopped at Rachel’s Roadhouse in Mercer and she got another “R”.  We had ate lunch there the previous summer on our way back from Whitehall and it was a popular stop for Jen and her friends while in college at Grove City.  After Rachel’s, we went to the beautiful scenic Overlook in Kennerdale and she got an “O”.  We had visited the overlook while at Whitehall the previous summer.  The next stop was the Allegheny River where Jen got an “A”.  We had gone to dinner at a restaurant along the river, rollerbladed, and spent some time along the river.  So at this point, she’s getting pretty excited, and is having a lot of fun.  We stopped along the river in Emlenton, PA, only a few miles from Whitehall.  Jen amazingly didn’t want to run the show and never mentioned stopping there even though she loves Whitehall.  So, her last riddle for the day actually told her to play a CD.  She started getting extremely excited and couldn’t find the CD, I just told her to open and look into the folder she had!  So we popped in the CD and “Starry Night” by Chris August came on.  This song has some meaning to us as it reminds us of star gazing at Whitehall w/ her folks and her dad’s infamous “WOOOOOOSSHHHHHHH!!” comment (a story for another time!).  Jen started screaming “Whitehall! We’re going to Whitehall!”  I’m so glad she was excited, little did she know, she’d be getting proposed to in a few minutes!

We arrived at Whitehall after the song finished playing and I pulled into the front of the family’s camp.  Now, I got up at 7 a.m. that morning, drove to Whitehall and strung up the sign.  I purposely made sure she couldn’t read the sign from anywhere but on the porch.  However, the back of the letters would be noticeable.  We parked and I noticed she saw the letters but she didn’t react too much to them, which was fine by me, I’ll take her by surprise!  We got out of the car and she knew to bring all her letters with her and as I followed her onto the porch, I reached into my back pocket to get the ring ready.  Jen got onto the porch and read the sign; she made out the phrase, turned around, both hands covering her face and crying, to see me bending down on one knee, asking if she’d marry me.  To my surprise she was able to respond, she even came down to my level!  So the rest is pretty much history.  She cried, she jumped repeatedly up and down, she made me tell her “everything” about the plan, we called family & friends, took pictures, etc.

Jen will tell you she thought I could be proposing throughout the game but she was so convinced I hadn’t talked to her folks or actually bought a ring, she convinced herself it wasn’t going to happen. Even if she knew I was going to propose, this would have been fine by me.  I knew I’d keep her guessing with the where, when, and how.  We had come to the decision to get married together, so asking her to marry me wouldn’t be a shock, just the proposal would be.

We’re super excited about the engagement and have so many dreams that we want to pursue together.  We know bumps in the road will come.  Heck, trying to plan the wedding within a 5 month window has already caused us frustration, but that’s okay, we have and will work through it.  We believe and know that with God’s leading and continual reliance on Him, differences that we experience will be resolved with a mutual Christian respect and love for one another.

We can’t wait!

Be sure to check out our Proposal Pictures!

Josh Jen Proposal Ring

3 comments

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